Should I or shouldn't I?

OK I'll warn you. This is going to be a complaining post. If you don't want to read it I'll understand. I may even delete it once I get over myself.

I never feel good. I am a type 2 diabetic. I spent years beating myself up over being obese. The endocrinologist told me to quit. She said if I was 140 lbs I would still be diabetic. I was tested for diabetes when I was Ten. It didn't show up then.

I also suffer from depression. The first time I remember being depressed I was ten. The second was during my freshman year of college. Then I had post partum depression after the birth of my first child. I should tell you she weighed 9lbs 4oz and I only gained 15 lbs pregnant. That should have been a huge indication of my possible diabetes. Second child 10lbs 81/2 oz. I weighed less the day I delivered him than the day I got pregnant. It turns out that people who suffer endocrine problems often suffer from depression. It has a hormonal link. I have taken that variable out. I take an antidepressant and life is good.

I have left bundle branch block. The left and right side of my heart are not working together as they should. This electrical problem is caused by the diabetes and the genetic make up of my body. Everyone on my Dad's side had horrible heart trouble. Two of his brothers died very young. 39 and 44 to be exact. His dad died before I was even born from heart trouble. His mother died from diabetes and heart trouble in her early 60's. His youngest sister had open heart surgery in her 40's and died when she was 60. Go family history.Now this particular problem keeps me fatigued.

I have already mentioned in earlier posts I don't sleep well. I do have a c-pap machine. If I could lose more weight I might get rid of this problem. To bad diabetes medicine does not help with weight loss.

And although still very heavy I have lost 37 lbs over the last 5 years. The endocrinologist said if I lost 10% of my weight I might be able to come off all medicine. No such luck for me.

My diabetes is under good control. My last A1C was 6.2. Excellent for a diabetic. The new medicine " Byetta" helps me wonderfully to keep my blood sugars in check. It also causes nausea. A side affect I will live with since my blood sugar is in control.

This past week has been especially difficult. I just don't have any energy. My upper left back has had a dull pain since Saturday. I tried to ignore it. Tuesday I gave in and decided to let My doctor check me out. She said with my history I needed to go to the ER instead of her office.
Oh, joy. I sat thinking about it for a half hour or so. Then gave in and went to the wonderful ER.
They did an EKG. They did a cat scan. They did a chest x-ray. They gave me nitroglycerin. They put in an IV. They decided they wanted a bigger iv so they tried that two more times until they got it in . They did a stress test. They took blood several times. They made me spend the night. I hate spending the night. They did more tests with dyes. Result. My stress test is abnormal. We already knew that. I asked if it was because of the left bundle branch block. The mayo clinic trained cardiologist said "I wish we knew" Arrg .

I am anemic. That is a new one . What is that all about. The cardiologist said go see your internist and he ordered more blood tests and a urine test to determine underlying cause of anemia. He also said he doesn't know why my back behind my heart is having the dull pain. He can't rule out it is my heart but since I have had two cardiac catherizations in the last 5 years and am still young he doesn't want to go back into that artery and ruin it. I agree.

Conclusion. I still have a dull pain in my back behind my heart. I am still fatigued. I have probably spent $30,000 . And the only thing new. I am anemic.

Update: I have been researching and the anemia is due to the diabetes. I need to schedule an appointment with my nephrologist. Maybe I should have them induce a coma. I would have them leave me in the coma until I was normal weight. Too bad they can't do that.